All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
