You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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