Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
