I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
