My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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