btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
