i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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