Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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