3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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