I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
