let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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