Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
