We're like a lot better than the average bears
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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