I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
