so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
