How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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