I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
