butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
