Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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