where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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