if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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