I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
