Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
