she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
