I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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