9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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