You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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