I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he told me I talked like a deaf person
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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