What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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