come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize