The maid of honor just puked.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
