Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
