and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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