How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
