I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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