I look better un-naked...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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