i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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