I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
