I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
