Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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