THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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