This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
