OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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