His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
