They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
