nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
