im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
