I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
