is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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