Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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