Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
