no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
