I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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