if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
