If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
