Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I did not marry a roomba.
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