I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
