Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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