are you so shy because you have an std?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
