five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
