shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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