dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
