i think my tv is drunk
I'm jealous of your bromance
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
