He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
