I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
