I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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