she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
