i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
